Brighter

As an RN, I often feel unappreciated, taken advantage of, or taken for granted. We are spit on, puked on, peed on, pooped on, and a host of other bodily functions are thrown at us, but we are also treated with disrespect, apathy, unkindness, and without regard to our own feelings. (I honestly don’t mind the bodily functions as much as I do the unkind words and actions). My approach is most frequently “killing them with kindness.” I try to not take anything to heart because I ultimately realize patients are sick, tired, hurting, and lonely. Too often as caregivers we bear the brunt of these feelings. Many times we do not understand the depth of their pain, frequently it goes beyond the surgical incision, beyond the chronic back pain to the heart of the matter—a distraught past with innumerable and indescribable pains full of demons and tragedy. If we only knew what events steered the course of another’s life, we may be a little hesitant to judge, we may be more empathetic, we may just love instead of loathe.

 Last night was my first night working at another hospital in this area. It was in a very affluent area with a demographic of rich white people. There were designated rooms meant specifically for those willing to pay extra to have the ultimate of luxuries during their hospital stay, including a personal chef for one meal a day and a comfy robe for traversing the halls with their IV pole. I must admit I didn’t like this hospital nearly as much as the other I’ve frequented whose population consists of the poorer and less educated. The staff of the former hospital mentioned act more pretentious, more righteous, and are simply, less kind. The patients are typically even more so. The staff at the latter hospital are gracious, freely giving of their time and help, and immediately friendly. The patients, although having less, give more. Although these hospitals seem different, they have numerous similarities. Take the patient who calls out or is confused. The co-worker who is ready and willing to help. The RT who is kind on the phone and willing to teach. Ultimately, the patients matter—regardless of socioeconomic status, education, and treatment of others. They are the ones sick, they are the ones hurting, they are the reason I became an RN.

Referring back to my first paragraph, I had a patient last night in incredible pain which caused her to moan and cry. Nothing was helping. I tried my best and consoled her, rubbed her back, offered heating pads, repositioned her, and certainly gave the pain meds she was allowed. I did what I could and tried to leave her alone to finally get some much needed rest for healing. At first I wanted to roll my eyes at her outward expression of pain and childish behavior, but here was a woman clearly in pain, slightly confused, and unable to control herself. Who was I to judge? How did I know what she was going through? She needed help and wasn’t that the reason I was there? In the morning, after several rounds of pain medicine and other attempts at pain control, her husband came to the desk with tears in his eyes and hugged me. He hugged me and said, “This was the best night she’s had in 2 months, thank you.” I walked with him to her room hand in hand and talked with his wife. She looked marvelous. She was smiling and not moaning. She was rested and not haggard. He hugged me again and kissed me on the cheek, still trying to fight back tears. He told me I was an angel. I almost wept with him.

I have been fortunate enough to never have the feeling of, “why am I doing this?” It is because of these chance encounters. It is because of a renewal of faith in the profession I chose and which I think, chose me.  It is because, at the end of the day, maybe I made a little bit of a difference in some stranger’s life, whether I saved their life, helped their pain, smiled at them, or held their hand, I made a little difference and that’s all it takes.

My hope is that everyone will try to make a difference for someone. You never know the demons another is facing. All too often it only takes a smile, a wave, a kind word, a hug, love. To brighten someone’s day, may just brighten yours.

Wishing you brighter days and kinder words,

K